btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
