literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
