shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
