I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
