you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
