Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
