We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cockslap morals
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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