Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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