i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
