My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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