Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
