I puked a lego.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
