So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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