I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
