they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
