I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
