Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
