She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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