I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
