I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
