Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
