Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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