I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
