On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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