OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
