'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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