he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
