Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
