The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
