You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
