barbara walters just said penis...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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