I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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