Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
