peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I touched a dick in church today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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