At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
