I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
