I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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