Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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