I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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