everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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