I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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