So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
