my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
