True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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