It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
