I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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