Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
