By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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