it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
