What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he thought i was a dude.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
