I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
