So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
