No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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