The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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